Of Mullets, Microphones And Manuscripts

It's been nearly 20 years since I rocked the faux mini-mullet, and two years since I put down the guitar and microphone. And although part of me misses the act of creating music, I've never looked back.

See, creating music, though I loved it, had become a burden for me, and at the age of 32 I sadly had to acknowledge I didn't love it enough. Like that sexy wolf-hair mullet I used to walk around with, I was half-assing it. I actually knew this for a long time but was too stubborn to give up, too concerned with proving myself to people that didn't matter.

So I let go, finally, and picked up the pen.

I've always written. Most so-called writers will tell you that, and it's usually true. People can write. Whoopdeedoo. No surprise there. It's something we do from a very early age. But rarely does that ability to write translate into real talent.

And that is the crux of this post.

I want to tell stories. I've always wanted to write fiction, but Rock Star was something I wanted to achieve first. I played that role many times over the years, and it was a blast each and every time, a high like no other. I regret none of it. But I now know that writing was always my true love, and I've embraced her.

So two years ago I began to write more, read more, and open myself to learning and absorbing many of the things I once took for granted. I had no timetable for when I would begin submitting stories, though like many young writers have done, I made the mistake of submitting a turd or two way too soon. And I quickly understood this, so I backed off submitting and continued writing and reading, reading, reading.

But now, after writing hundreds of thousands of words, I find myself with a few stories that I feel comfortable submitting. But I wrote them, thus am inherently biased. One of those stories, "By the Firelight," was accepted by Aaron Polson for his weekly webzine/annual print anthology, 52 Stiches. It should go live next week. Wonderful news, right?

I'm fucking dreading it.

While this year 52 Stiches has already featured Kurt Newton, Nick Contor, Mercedes M. Yardley, and will later feature John Boden, making it something of a Shock Totem coup, I don't share their excitement. And it's very simple: I'm scared I've jumped too soon.

But I guess we'll find out next week. Some call me a perfectionist, but I've never really felt that way about myself. I think I'm just afraid of fucking up the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had. I am by no means a great writer yet, and maybe I never will be, but I hope I'm good. Good enough to bring some level of enjoyment to readers. And I also hope people will be honest with the piece and tell me what works, what doesn't, and whether or not it should have stayed buried in the proverbial trunk.

We'll see...